It's been a year since The New York Times Magazine ran an article about a 20-person Massachusetts polycule using Agile Scrums to navigate their relationships. The piece caused a bit of a storm at the time.
If you want to skip the link, here’s a recap:
- ‘Polycule’ is the umbrella term for a network of people in romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships
- This particular polycule spoke on issues like what it means to be in an ethical non-monogamous relationship, the benefits, and setting boundaries
- During the interview a husband and wife mentioned hearing about Agile Scrum on a podcast and decided to give it a go
Mouthguards in. Scrum caps donned. Folk clambered in to argue whether or not business strategy could, or indeed should, be used in a relationship context. Well done TNYTM, perfectly executed clickbait. A year down the line we’re still talking about it.
But how did a team collaboration framework evolve into a polycule blueprint?
It all began at a chilly Utah ski lodge in 2001, where a group of 17 all-male software developers met to discuss alternative approaches to document-heavy software development. Three days later the ‘Manifesto for Agile Software Development’ was born and duly signed by the self-proclaimed Agile Alliance.
As you would expect, the 12 principles of the Agile Manifesto are peppered with software development terminology:
- Our highest priority is to satisfy the customer through early and continuous delivery of valuable software.
- Welcome changing requirements, even late in development. Agile processes harness change for the customer's competitive advantage.
- Deliver working software frequently, from a couple of weeks to a couple of months, with a preference to the shorter timescale.
- Business people and developers must work together daily throughout the project.
- Build projects around motivated individuals. Give them the environment and support they need, and trust them to get the job done.
- The most efficient and effective method of conveying information to and within a development team is face-to-face conversation.
- Working software is the primary measure of progress.
- Agile processes promote sustainable development. The sponsors, developers, and users should be able to maintain a constant pace indefinitely.
- Continuous attention to technical excellence and good design enhances agility.
- Simplicity--the art of maximizing the amount of work not done--is essential.
- The best architectures, requirements, and designs emerge from self-organizing teams.
- At regular intervals, the team reflects on how to become more effective, then tunes and adjusts its behavior accordingly.
The principles don’t scream out “Language of love!”
Whereas, if you brush over the words ‘software’ and ‘customer’, the broader four Agile values could plausibly be applicable to relationships:
- Individuals and interactions over processes and tools
- Working software over comprehensive documentation
- Customer collaboration over contract negotiation
- Responding to change over following a plan
The theory being that while there is value in the items on the right, we should place more value on the items on the left.
But scrum? How come?
Not surprisingly, the origins came from the sport of rugby. A rugby team works together to get the ball, players then perform specific roles and the team as a whole moves the ball down the pitch until a player touches the ball down inside the opposition's in-goal area to score a try. Quite literally teamwork.
In 1986, two (presumably cauliflower-eared) university professors used the word ‘scrum’ to describe project management in the paper ‘The New New Product Development Game’.
The business term grew in popularity and was applied to the Agile methodology, to describe teams working faster by collaborating and breaking large projects into smaller pieces - an Agile Scrum.
Enter stage left Alanna Irving, who according to her bio is “...an experienced executive leader and social entrepreneur interested in creative uses of legal, financial, and software infrastructure to support grassroots community power and social justice impact”.
Self-confessed process nerds Alanna and her (now) husband Mix started holding monthly 90 minute ‘Relationship Retrospectives’ around ten years ago. The sessions, based on Agile Scrum framework, always followed the same format:
- A review of previous actions
- A review of the month
- Agreeing the agenda
- Discussion
- Action points
- Appreciation
Driven by a desire for continuous improvement, the couple continued to practice their Relationship Retrospectives and 12 years later gave credit for their happy family unit (last count one child) to those regular retros.
So it seems sensible that, for some, the Agile Scrum could address the scheduling, boundaries, and ever-evolving emotional issues that monogamous and even multiple relationships might bring.
In fact, a quick Google search suggests that the Agile approach is already being used in countless personal relationships, under various different monikers. Of course there’s the OG Agile Scrum, we also have Agile Love, Agile Communication, RADAR (Review, Agree the agenda, Discuss, Action points and Reconnect) and for those keen to get things right from kickoff Agile Dating.
The debate over whether or not business approaches can, or should, be applied to personal relationships will continue to rumble on. But it seems like a late tackle. Like it or loathe it, boardroom bingo made a play for the bedroom!
If you have a (strictly business) project you’d like some help with then get in touch.
