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Mixed metaphors and malapropisms from the mire of many meetings

Most of us find ourselves stuck in long boring meetings or conference calls more often than we care to remember. For a while now, I’ve found some respite in my habit of collecting some of the more hilarious manglings of the English language you find in such situations. I particularly love it when phrases end up meaning the opposite of what the speaker thinks they do. Here’s a selection from the past year:

  • Getting “buy-off” on specifications (probably thinking of buy-in or sign-off)
  • An item being “delegated to the bottom” of a menu (meaning relegated)
  • “visa versa”, used to mean something like “for example” (confused between vice versa and vis-à-vis)
  • “The train is already out of the tracks” (I think you meant to say station)
  • Extolling the close, mutually beneficial relationship between their organisation and ours as “incestuous and symbiotic”
  • “Begs the question” used synonymously with “Raises the question”

And some from emails:

  • “By all intensive purposes, I think I have the account setup and everything ready to go.”
  • “These are often required and might shoot you into a foot”
  • “I wonder if he’s been unendated with calls or e mails?”
  • (From a Kenyan security newsletter) “Wait until the crowd has disbursed”

Feel free to add more in the comments!